How do we define our worth?
Psychology offers multiple lenses to understand self-esteem. It's not just "feeling good." It's a complex mix of cognitive ratios, social feedback, and internal alignment.
Select a perspective from the sidebar to begin.
The Ratio of Success
William James, the father of American psychology, proposed one of the earliest definitions of self-esteem. He viewed it as a mathematical ratio.
Pretensions are your expectations or goals. According to James, you can raise self-esteem by increasing success OR by lowering expectations.
Simulator
Congruence
Carl Rogers believed self-worth depends on the distance between your Real Self (who you actually are) and your Ideal Self (who you want to be).
- High Overlap (Congruence): Leads to self-actualization and peace.
- Large Gap (Incongruence): Leads to anxiety, defensiveness, and low self-worth.
Adjust the Gap
Move slider to bring the ideal self closer or further.
The Looking-Glass Self
Charles Horton Cooley argued that "I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am." We build our self-esteem by internalizing the perceptions of others.
Simulate Social Feedback:
Mark Leary's Sociometer
This theory argues that self-esteem is not an end in itself, but a gauge (like a fuel gauge) that monitors our relational value.
Evolutionary Purpose: To warn us when we are at risk of social rejection, prompting us to reconnect with the tribe to survive.
The Six Pillars
Nathaniel Branden defined self-esteem as the immune system of consciousness. It is a practice, not just a feeling.
1. Living Consciously
Being present to what you are doing. Seeking to understand the world around you rather than remaining oblivious.
2. Self-Acceptance
Owning your thoughts, feelings, and actions without denial or evasion. "I am what I am."
3. Self-Responsibility
Realizing that you are the author of your choices and actions. No one is coming to save you.
4. Self-Assertiveness
Honoring your wants, needs, and values and seeking appropriate forms of expression in reality.
5. Living Purposefully
Identifying goals and taking action to achieve them. Utilizing your powers to attain success.
6. Personal Integrity
The integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs, and behavior. Walking your talk.